TIME TO MEET?

You like their profile and you've hit it off via email.  Could it be time for that first real-world date? Read these tips for a smooth and successful transition.

So you found someone you think could be a great match online - the photo was great, you have the same interests, and the email flirting has been terrific. Perhaps it’s time for the moment of truth: The face-to-face meeting.  Are you ready to take that step? What if your online amour doesn’t live up to your expectations in real life, or vice versa? How - and when - to initiate that first face-to-face meeting is a tricky question for many singles, but there are ways to make a smooth transition from e-pals to an actual item.

• Don’t wait too long—or jump the gun.  It’s the classic conundrum: Should you email back and forth with someone for weeks on end to get a better sense who they are, or should you jump right in and suggest meeting for coffee as soon as you’ve established that the interest is mutual? In terms of general guidelines, “Exchanging emails for at least a few days to a week is a good idea,” says Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach. That should give you enough material to assess how motivated and sincere the other person is. And on the other end? “I recommend that people not wait more than two or three weeks to meet,” says Coleman. If your online amour stalls beyond that time frame, “that person is either not ready or has a hidden agenda,” says Coleman. “It’s best to tell them, ‘Call me when you are ready, and, if I’m available, we can discuss meeting then.’”

• Dig deeper with phone calls.  In a world filled with e-mail, IM, and text-messaging, some people rarely bother to pick up the phone. When it comes to online dating, that can be a mistake. “Someone who seems so charming and funny in emails often has that charm stripped away when there aren’t a few hours or days to construct the perfect sentence,” says Roman Griffen, author of Internet Dating.  "On the phone the person has to be charming in real time.” To avoid playing games of phone tag, e-mail the person a friendly, “I’d love to talk with you on the phone some time - if you’d like to do that, let me know a time and day that’s good to call,” or give them your number and a time to call you when you know you’ll be available and relaxed. What if phone conversations get you tongue-tied? Try this tip from Bev Bacon, author of Meet Me…Don’t Delete Me! “When I’m on the phone, I’ll put the profile in front of me,” she says. This way you’ll have conversational topics at your fingertips.   If he says he likes cooking, for example, explore that idea further by asking what his speciality is and how he learned to cook; if she says she likes football, ask which team is her favorite. If your first phone conversation doesn’t go as you had hoped, give it one more try (everyone has a bad day). But if it doesn’t go well again, you may consider calling it quits - after all, the chances that your conversations face-to-face will end up being successful are slim at best.

• Swap some more photos.  Even if you’ve seen a photos of this person in their profile, it’s wise to ask them to send some more, and do the same for them. Why? Let’s face it, online daters usually post only their very best pics. By exchanging more, you’ll both get a more well-rounded impression of what each of you looks like, and thus reduce the risk of being unpleasantly surprised when you meet face-to-face. To make this request without coming off as paranoid or overly demanding, take the initiative and send yours first (including at least one head-to-toe shot), explaining, “I thought you might like to see a few more photos of me. I’d also love to see more photos of you, would you mind sending some when you have a chance?” If they refuse, that could mean their profile photos are outdated or otherwise inaccurate - not a reason to ditch them entirely, but it should be duly noted.